matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
