I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this beer tastes like vomit already
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
