I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Come on in and take your pants off
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