You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
