i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
