Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
