it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
