That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
