escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dignity is for republicans.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
