I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am naked and annoyed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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