Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
