ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
