I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
