Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
