Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
