pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
