so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
