I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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