Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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