'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
