we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
