If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's blow job season.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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