The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
