Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
