Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
