Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Everytime we come here you have an ex here.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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(847): View more from Illinois

you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(402): View more from Nebraska

The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning

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(720): View more from Colorado

He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....

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(908): View more from New Jersey

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND

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