Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!