Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight

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  (573): she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight http://tfl.nu/znt4
  Replies (27) Good night (6446) Bad night (814)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

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  (705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence http://tfl.nu/779y
  Replies (66) Good night (20202) Bad night (1098)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.

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  (703): Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/xw76
  Replies (9) Good night (5163) Bad night (1131)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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  (956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/dv3c
  Replies (41) Good night (7147) Bad night (1009)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore

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  (208): Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore http://tfl.nu/7jsm
  Replies (11) Good night (3693) Bad night (890)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex

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  (732): he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex http://tfl.nu/opy4
  Replies (4) Good night (1487) Bad night (926)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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  (607): You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick http://tfl.nu/kpxh
  Replies (18) Good night (3041) Bad night (873)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right

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  (207): So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right http://tfl.nu/bi9y
  Replies (7) Good night (1319) Bad night (357)
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  (760): View more from California

  Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away

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  (760): Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away http://tfl.nu/rpjr
  Replies (1) Good night (922) Bad night (310)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???

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  (312): OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY??? http://tfl.nu/50ou
  Replies (4) Good night (744) Bad night (383)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night

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  (701): I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night http://tfl.nu/x7bo
  Replies (1) Good night (178) Bad night (382)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm not going to ask which end you used.

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  (502): So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor. (518): I'm not going to ask which end you used. http://tfl.nu/pddo
  Replies (1) Good night (204) Bad night (462)
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  (805): View more from California

  Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.

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  (805): Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch. http://tfl.nu/6qlc
  Replies (6) Good night (591) Bad night (166)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.

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  (307): Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged. http://tfl.nu/ec83
  Replies (4) Good night (686) Bad night (167)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...

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  (419): I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord... http://tfl.nu/yyau
  Replies (3) Good night (407) Bad night (176)

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