My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize