Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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