Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
