She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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