Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
