Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
