I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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