look no pants
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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