New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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