Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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