i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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