I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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