I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
