Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this boner is exhausting
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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