CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
