4 words: hood of his car
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
