Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
