it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
