ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
