She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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