i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
