I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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