so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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