Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
