he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
