that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
