I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
