I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
