Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
