I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
