please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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