my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
