I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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