now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone came in the potted fern
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
