"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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