Dude my mom stole all your condoms
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
