I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
