Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
