Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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