No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
3pm strippers are depressing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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