I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
